The Gift of Family

As you all know, I've been taking care of my cousin these past few days because his parents went to Colombia. My parents went to Puerto Rico so we were left to fend for ourselves for Thanksgiving. I called one of my uncles and we spent Thanksgiving with him and his family. My cousin wasn't, at all, thrilled with going there. He always felt my uncle never liked him because he would always yell at him. I tried to tell him it was because he loves him (I know, we've all heard it before but it really is true) and because he's fairly strict, even with his own kids (3 and 4 years old).

We discussed the family matters and we all learned a lot about each other and our loved ones. On the second night, though, we talked more specifically about my cousin's upcoming trip to Colombia. Unfortunately, we all know if he leaves he won't be coming back. His mom is very controlling and uses her children against their father. My uncle sure can pick them, eh? My cousins have a shitty stepmom and a shittier mother. God help them. In the end, the man my cousin didn't want to see turned out to not only be his Godfather but also promised to move the earth in order to do what's best for him. I don't feel so alone in this fight that almost seemed futile. My cousin has changed his view of our uncle.

We both cried a bit after all this talking and all the issues that came up. One particular issue was one of my other cousins, in particular my little cousin's brother. He's had it rough, much rougher than is at all fair for any human being. I had, honestly, given up on him and so had everybody else. He got in a lot of trouble when he was younger, he's only 17. He ended up arrested a few months back and was thrown out of the house but it all started far before that when his mother physically and mentally abused him. She did the same thing to my little cousin but not nearly to the same extent, he was her favorite and it's sad that she played favorites. His older brother was routinely locked away in his room if not beaten and nobody did anything about it. Here's the kicker, my uncle isn't my older cousin's father, technically the two of us aren't related but he's still family. He sees my uncle as his father and my uncle has always treated him like his son. He got involved with their mom in order to help him and ended up having a child with her.

In an odd twist of fate, my little cousin was expecting a visit from his brother today but it turned out he wouldn't be able to make it so instead we went to his apartment (he's 17 and has an apartment whereas I still don't, this puts things into perspective). After learning so much from our Thanksgiving talks I've come to see that his brother is FAR from where he almost ended up. He's doing very well for himself. He's stayed out of trouble and he has 2 jobs, a girlfriend, and is planning on going to college. I wish I could say I had something to do with that but I think the truth of the matter is that he is who he is because he suffered. He's suffered so much he's become callous (to some extent) and because of this he's been able to will himself through the latest leg of his life. I stayed until about 11:15 and my little cousin wanted to sleep over. I'll go pick him up tomorrow after they go shopping. His brother wants to buy him some shoes and stuff. It's good for them to spend some time together so I figured I wouldn't stay. They offered for me to stay over and asked me a few times but I declined.

It's sad that most of what I've known about my family has been either very one-sided or a flat out lie. Family goes to great lengths to hide its deep, dark secrets - to seem normal. At age 23 I've finally been let in on these secrets. Unfortunately my 13 year old cousin lived some of it and learned a lot more of it. Even worse, his 17 year old brother has been in the thick of most of it, at least in this particular case. There's far more that I've been told that boggles the mind and nobody wants to deal with so I won't even bother trying to. I'm still trying to take all this in and decide how to deal with the issue of my cousins.

I just hope between my uncle and I, we can help my little cousin with everything he NEEDS (not necessarily everything he WANTS) in order to ease the home situation and make sure he doesn't turn to drugs, alcohol, or getting in trouble just to escape his stepmother. I know his brother is also determined to help but I want him to sort his life out first before taking on another burden. I just wish I knew how to help him as well.

How do you right the parenting wrongs of another?