I also got a new phone, a Samsung Fascinate (Galaxy S SCH-i500) which is a very fun Android phone to play with.
None of this is why I chose to write this blog post, though. About a month ago was my little cousin's birthday party. He turned 14 and we had a small family gathering for him. It was fairly last minute and, as usual, his father bailed halfway through. I told my cousins that I may take over my parents' mortgage since I'm making good money now and my parents want to retire and move away. On hearing this my little cousin's older brother suggests my cousin move in with me.
He declined saying he wished to go to school with his friends, which I can't fault him for. He called me tonight to tell me he's reconsidered because he believes he has a better chance at getting recruited to college on a soccer scholarship if he goes to high school around my area than where he lives now. Quite frankly I'm honored he'd consider living with me.
I spoke with my uncle (not his father but another uncle) about this and he thinks it's far more responsibility than I should take on, no matter how much I love my cousin and want to give him a better life than he currently has. Raising a teenager will be very challenging, especially a teenager that isn't yours. I have until the beginning of the next school-year to consider this and deliberate very carefully. I'm not sure what I should do just yet but one thing is for sure, I won't be making any rash decisions.
My uncle then dropped a bombshell on me. He told me his sister-in-law is to raise his two kids (currently 5 and 4 years old) should he and his wife die and that he wants me to raise them should anything happen to his sister-in-law. He told me to think about it long and hard because it's a big decision. The likelihood of that happening is very slim, but still something that needs careful deliberation.
I now have two monumental decisions to make that impact my family. I would love to immediately say yes to both but they are not decisions to be taken lightly.
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9 comments:
well good to hear from you, and glad that you have found a good company to work for.
Yea thats a tuff decision. Im trying to think what I would do if I were in it. It probably depends a lot on the kid. If he is "normal" and has very typical social groups and is likely to get into typical high school debauchery then I would probably decline (if it were me). If its a complete book-worm geek (like me) and there really wasn't any worry about having to "parent" him then that would be a different situation.
I say this because I definitely believe that kids have to go through "normal" social stratification in high school-- and that often (healthily) includes doing stupid crap that you can learn from. I think people naturally test boundaries, and that can be a big influence on the way you relate to the world and a big influence on your personality. However, for that to work in any kind of healthy way it has to be very structured and controlled-- i mean testing boundaries is healthy perhaps as long as there is a way to enforce the boundaries. And even the enforcement is so critical-- it can't be "too harsh" otherwise learning can't happen since it becomes about "resenting" the authority figure-- but it can't be "too lax" because then the boundary isn't enforced and learning doesn't happen.
So there are too many subtleties-- and combine that with the fact that there is already a disadvantage for you as you're not a parent or someone with intrinsic authority. It just seems like there are so many "bad" outcomes, and its going to be really easy to underestimate the bad-ness.
But like I said-- for me-- it would all be about the "type" of kid he is. At 14, a lot of social stratification has already happened so you probably already have good expectations about what type of person he is already. And it certainly sounds like fun!
I don't know what kind of parent I would be...but it would be interesting to try. I almost think I'm too much of an "engineer"-- I wouldn't do well trying to relate to the often irrational behavior of teenagers -- even though I was just as irrational at 16!
Sorry to butt in to your business-- this is just a really interesting situation you're in! :-)
Good luck in your decision making!
Hey-- still Flash/Flex/AS? Or new platform?
Steve
Congrats on the job!! :-D
Yeah, both of those are indeed tough decisions not to be taken lightly. I think the second one is easier, because the probability of it falling to you is low.
But that first one, I would likely decline myself. No matter how much I'd love my cousin and want him to succeed, I would fear that I'd morph into a parent (which is probably not what he wants from you, or vice versa). Just think on it and do what's best for both of you. There's something to be said for not moving around and having to make new friends - that can be rough.
I think I look at it differently. I'm not trying to replace a parent, he merely needs to accomplish a certain few things in order for us to co-exist (in my house). I told him I'd continue thinking about it and told him to also continue to consider it.
He's kind of popular and bound to get in trouble but he's stayed with me for a few months before and he wasn't much hassle. I know this is going to be more long term than that but still, it was a good preview.
I'm not doing much flash development anymore, just PHP.
Still, you may well make your national reputation because of the Wall ..... when I got to the US Attorney's office, "Don't be one of those guys who sits ...
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